How to find a good housemate

Renting a room in your own house is a strange kind of hiring. The wrong choice doesn't just cost you money, it follows you into the kitchen at seven in the morning. Worth spending a couple of weeks on.

Know what you actually need

Before you post anything, get clear on how the house runs. Not on what kind of person you picture. Think about the things that would genuinely wear on you: someone cooking at midnight, a dog, guests every weekend, a night shift schedule that means the shower runs at four. Those are real and you're allowed to be specific about them.

There's a line here and it's worth knowing where it is. You can set rules about behavior in the house. You can't pick or reject someone based on who they are: their family, their age, their religion, where they're from, their disability, whether they're married. That's fair housing law and it applies even to a spare room. If you're not sure whether something crosses it, our fair housing page and the state's own page are both linked below.

Say what living there is like

The best filter is an honest listing. Describe the room, what's shared, the parking, the neighborhood. Then describe the house. If you get up at five, say so. If there's a dog, say so. If the walls are thin, say so. Every detail you leave out is a tour you're going to give to someone who was never going to take it.

Tell people you know you're looking, and post it online too. Friends of friends is a good source because someone can vouch. Renting to an actual close friend is its own decision with its own risks, and plenty of people have lost the friendship over a late rent payment.

Talk to them in person

Have a real conversation before you decide anything. It's awkward for about four minutes and then it isn't. Ask about the practical stuff:

• What does a normal weekday look like for you?
• What are your hours?
• How do you feel about cleaning? What does clean mean to you?
• Do you cook much?
• How often do you have people over?
• Why are you moving?
• How long are you hoping to stay?

Notice that none of those are about the person's background. They're all about how the house will actually run. That's the whole trick.

Check what they tell you

Ask for a reference from whoever they rented from last, and actually call. Ask whether they can cover the rent. Apply the same standard to everyone who applies, and write your standard down before you start, so you're not deciding it person by person.

If you run any kind of background or credit check, there are rules about consent and about telling someone when a report is why you said no. Read up before you start rather than after.

Then put it in writing

Once you've picked someone, sit down together and go through the agreement before they move a single box. Not after. The conversation where you both read the rent, the deposit, the notice period and the house rules out loud is the one that prevents most of what goes wrong later.